


Squishmallow Hunting

by Savvycalifragilistic



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate universe- no fears, Fluff, Group chat, Nonbinary Michael Shelley, PowerPoints as a love language, Shopping with friends, Squishmallows, squishmallow hunting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:01:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29448198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savvycalifragilistic/pseuds/Savvycalifragilistic
Summary: The squad goes Squishmallow hunting. Jon makes a PowerPoint, Tim makes bad puns, and everyone has a great time
Relationships: Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Squishmallow Hunting

“Sasha we should stop by the toy aisle before we leave. I saw on TikTok earlier they released some new Squishmallows!”  
“Timothy Bimothy Stoker, you already have 8.”  
“Sashaaaaaaa, it won’t take too long, just a look? Please?”  
“Well, since you asked so nicely… Let’s go”  
Sasha pushes the cart towards the toy aisle, rolling her eyes fondly at her eager boyfriend. They finally get there and Tim literally skips down to the plushies leaving Sasha giggling to herself as she walked behind him. He picked one up and then another, testing each with a nice solid hug, putting them back or placing them in a pile according to some unknown standards. When he pulled one out from the very back he let out a high pitched squeal of joy and began jumping up and down.  
“SASHA!! Look at this pineapple!! Her name is…” he says as he checks her tag, “Her name is MAUI and she’s working on overcoming her fears! What a sweetie… Sasha I have to get her, she’s a little fruity! A little fruity! Just like me! Sasha? Sasha, wait don’t leave me, I can’t carry all of these to the register by myself! SASHA!”  
Sasha runs down the aisle with her cart, ducking into the Lego aisle before Tim can see and giggling as he runs past laden with several large Squishmallows.

~~  
Squishmallow Gays  
Stonks- *attached image of Maui and Bruce the Squishmallows*  
Look!! Aren’t they so cute?? They go perfectly with the rest of my fruit salad  
Human Highlighter- LMAO theyre adorable. you went with sasha today? Did she get one?  
Stonks- No :’( she left me in the toy aisle to take them up by myself  
Moo- did you make a pun again?  
Human Highlighter- I bet he said “they’re a little fruity like me”  
Stonks- why are you bullying me? I’ve never done a thing to deserve this  
Moo- *attached gif of “I know this and I love you” meme*  
Human Highlighter- it’s a bummer sasha didn’t get one  
-its actually a bummer that NONE of our partners have Squishmallows  
Moo- how did they manage that?  
Stonks- in our homes?? Unacceptable  
Moo- Jon always cuddles mine when he thinks im not paying attention  
Human Highlighter- Gerry ~sayssss~ he doesn’t care about them but he makes sure they’re all on the bed before we get to sleep.  
Stonks- that’s gay  
Moo- that’s gay  
Moo- jinx  
Human Highlighter- OH IDEA  
Moo- damn, Michael is using capitals, this must be serious  
Stonks- what’s the idea?  
Human Highlighter- WE ALL GO SQUISHMALLOW HUNTING  
Moo-!!!  
Stonks- WAIT WHY IS THAT THE BEST IDEA?  
Human Highlighter- because it’s my idea and im a genius :3c  
Moo- We should!!! We could make a day out of it! Lunch, hunting, and then a movie at our place  
Stonks- Sasha still has the minivan! There’s more than enough room in there for the 6 of us AND new Squishmallows!!  
Moo- *eye emojis*  
Human Highlighter- im so serious about this. gerry and i don’t work this saturday?  
Moo- I can pull jon away from his desk that day!  
Stonks- I’ll check with Sash! But she’s been off for the past few Saturdays so I think it sounds good!!

~~  
The next day, after checking and double checking with the whole crew that they were all free, Martin walked into Jon’s home office to find him hunched over his laptop. Sighing with fond exasperation, Martin walks up to him.  
“Jon, it is 9:30pm. We are going shopping with our friends tomorrow. You gotta put the computer down”  
“Martin, give me 5 more minutes. I’m researching”  
“Researching? What? Jon, on a Friday night?”  
“I have to finish it before tomorrow!”  
“… Finish what?”  
“A PowerPoint presentation on the Squishmallow that best fits everyone’s personality AND aesthetic”  
Stunned into silence, Martin moves so he can see the specifics of Jon’s work. Sure enough, Jon is switching between several tabs full of what Martin can only assume is every single Squishmallow ever created and a PowerPoint presentation that, sure enough, has a slide dedicated to each of their friends and a Squishmallow that, presumably, matches both their personality and aesthetic.  
“Jon, you know I love you”  
“I love you too, Martin”  
“Out of curiosity, what were you planning to do with this information?”  
“Give it to our friends? I have a projector so I was going to bring it to the restaurant  
“Jon, love, you can’t bring a projector to a restaurant.”  
“Yes I can. I’ve done it before”  
“What?! When did you-“Martin interrupts himself, “no, that’s not important. Jon. I don’t think the people in the Subway will be interested in learning about the ins and outs of Squishmallows”  
“They should be. I could educate them on-“  
“Jon, dearest, I’m gonna cut you off there. It is late. You need to get to bed. We’re going to close the computer up for the night and you can send this to everyone over email when we get home, okay?”  
“But-“  
“No. Jon, it is late, I know you’ve been working on this for hours, I haven’t seen you since dinner. We both know how you get when you’re tired and we want tomorrow to be a fun outing with our friends”  
“I don’t know if I would consider Michael my friend”  
“Don’t lie, Jon. You know you enjoy each other’s company”  
Jon looked up at Martin and crossed his arms.  
“Come on darling, let’s go to bed. Your PowerPoint will still be there tomorrow”  
Martin held out his hand to Jon who sighed, closed his laptop, and took the proffered hand. Martin led them out of the office and into their bedroom, finally ready to relax before their shopping trip tomorrow.

~~  
After they had all met up and eaten their meals (bereft of any PowerPoint presentations, much to Jon’s dismay, though he did promise to send the link to everyone later in the evening), they packed themselves into Sasha’s beat up minivan and got on their way to hunt for Squishmallows.  
The first store they got to had a picked over display consisting of a single duck that nobody quite wanted. They cheered themselves up by attacking the candy aisle with vigor, in preparation for their movie night later on. Licorice, chocolates, gummy worms, and several types of sour candy ended up in their cart. They brought it up to the register and left with enough candy to feed an army.  
Tim did a quick Google search, “Where Squishmallows?”, and explained that their next stop needed to be Asda. Luckily, there was one near the road and they pulled into the parking lot, ready to hunt.  
“All I’m saying is that the caticorns, while adorable, don’t fit in with the cats! They’re part of the subgenre of unicorn creatures, which-“  
Michael cut Jon off with a wave of their long fingers, “Jon, the creatures with horns were gifted the horns because of their affection. Therefore-“  
“Michael, if you’re bringing up those Serendipity books again, I’m gonna have to cut you off. Morgan Morning made me WEEP and I cannot think about them in the middle of an Asda” Tim said, pushing the cart past the two of them, “We’re almost to the plushie aisle! Get your game faces on!”  
They finally rounded the corner and were blessed with the sight of an aisle full of Squishmallows of all sizes. Each couple paired off, the expert Squishmallow-er ready to answer questions and give suggestions for their partner. While searching through what felt like thousands of toys, Sasha spotted brown fabric in the back and pulled it through a gap. What was revealed was a Squirrel Squishmallow named Sawyer, that immediately elicited a squeal of joy from Sasha as she gave it a hug.  
“A squirrel, Sash? What if he doesn’t like my fruits? OR WORSE! What if he tries to EAT them?” Tim says jokingly as she snickers and puts him in the cart.  
Michael ends up grabbing a Caticorn named Cienna, which Jon refuses to acknowledge until Martin reminds him that he had chosen that one as Michael’s perfect match in his PowerPoint.  
The next store they get to is a convenience store. They walk in and follow the signs to the stuffed animals aisle, where they find a sweet brown dog for Martin and a tangerine for Tim.  
“Timothy, if you say it’s a little fruity-“  
“Sasha! Do you judge my pun making skills? Is this… a challenge?” Tim asks with a flirtatious raise of his brow, to which the other 5 loudly make their displeasure known.  
The rest of the selection is sadly lacking in the perfect Squishmallow for Jon or Gerry. After some discussion they agree to take a look around the rest of the store for snacks and then hit up the thrift store before going back to Martin and Jon’s place for the movie.  
As Martin and Jon wander the store they head towards the clearance aisle hand in hand pointing out goofy things they notice. They make it to the aisle and start perusing together. Jon freezes just as he and Martin are about to head back up.  
“Jon? Are you okay? What happened?”  
Jon reaches out and delicately removes a beat up, squished, grey kitty with a paint stain on her side. He cradles her in his arms and looks at Martin with his big sad eyes.  
“Martin, look at her, she’s so sad! She has to come home with us”  
“Jon, you don’t have to look at me all sad, we’re- we can get her, she can come home, she’s,” and here Martin paused to look at his boyfriend anxiously clutching the beat up Squishmallow, “She’s perfect for you. She needs to come home with us.”  
Jon smiled and continued to cradle her in his arms as they walked back up to the others.  
As they approached the registers, Tim cheered when he saw the Squishmallow cradled in Jon’s arms.  
“YEAH! Jonny boy found one!!”  
The rest of the crew erupted into snickers as the store manager shot Tim a Look for daring to be loud in her store.  
On their way back to the car, Michael pulled Gerry aside.  
“Are you okay? I’ll ask the others if we can stop by another store if you want to look some more.”  
“It’s fine Michael, I don’t need one. I’m more enjoying seeing everyone be goofy together”  
They embraced and caught up to the group as they were trying to shove all the Squishmallows into the trunk of Sasha's car. They finally got them all in and once everyone was buckled up, they drove to the thrift store.  
Tim was out of the car before anyone else, to nobody’s surprise, and practically bounced into the store before anyone else could catch up to him. Eventually everyone else made it inside and separated to enjoy thrifting with their partners. Sasha found Tim somehow having found the Hawaiian shirts in the short time they had been separate. Jon and Martin wandered through the aisles holding hands and not really paying attention to the things in the store.  
Michael and Gerry began walking towards the dress section, when Gerry pushed aside a nice black shirt on a rack. He looked down and gave a gasp. Before Michael had time to worry about bugs, Gerry reached through the clothes and grabbed a black cat Squishmallow with the tag still on. Michael couldn’t believe they found the perfect Squishmallow for their boyfriend in a thrift store of all places. After finding a sparkly new dress, Michael and Gerry left to meet up with the rest of their group. Tim and Sasha each had a few new Hawaiian shirts and Jon had passed off about 7 new books to Martin to hold while Jon had latched onto a beautiful pop-up book of Grimm’s Fairytales.  
That evening, they all enjoyed a showing of the Princess Bride with their new Squishmallows. They ate too much candy, threw popcorn at each other, and fell asleep in a pile of people and stuffed animals.

**Author's Note:**

> (Edited to remove an authors note, lmao)  
> I hope you enjoyed this silly fic! I would love to read (nice) comments! Hope your day is going well, please drink some water and eat a food.  
> Happy Valentines Day Georgie <3  
> Xoxox -Savvy


End file.
